


To Be The Sensible One

by HeartsGuardianSol



Series: Life is fun [7]
Category: Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Drabbles, Everyday Life, He’s not a marriage conselor, M/M, Mech Preg, Multi, Ratchet Needs A Break TM, Unplanned Pregnancy, Wheeljack’s Ooopsies, silliness, stringed fic lets, twitterpated idiots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22913056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartsGuardianSol/pseuds/HeartsGuardianSol
Summary: Ratchet’s surrounded by idiots, children, and twitter-pated fools. But such is life upon the Ark.
Relationships: Jazz/Prowl, Optimus Prime/Starscream, Red Alert/Soundwave, Skyfire/Silverbolt
Series: Life is fun [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/956613
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

To be the sensible one 

Ratchet was in the middle of yawning as he stepped out of his quarters and nose first into the mech that scrambled out of Optimus’ door. 

The shiny yellow cockpit glass filling his view gave his processor a stall as he blinked upwards into the nervous face of its owner. 

“... Starscream?” He glanced over the seeker’s shoulder to the equally nervous Prime behind him. 

Prime reset his vocalizer. “We were just discussing a tentative tru-“ 

A wrench bounced of the Prime’s helm cutting him off. “Don’t give me that bullshit excuse. I wasn’t sparked yesterday I know just what kind of ‘fragging negotiations’ you could be doing in your own quarters!”

Both mechs deigned to avoid the medics gaze as he ranted quietly at them. His irritation slowly cooling as he mildly enjoyed their fidgeting. Finally Ratchet pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. 

“At least tell me you used protection.” He asked quietly. 

The indignant screechy squawk the seeker gave was almost enough to deafen him. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later that same day...

It had been too silent. A silence that had been earmarked by several mechs in his notes from the last command meeting. So, here he was bracing himself for an inevitable argument, Ratchet input his override codes to the security office. The door slid aside and Ratchet found himself staring at the last thing he expected. 

Red Alert was sitting across Soundwave’s lap whispering quietly to the spymech neither of the room’s occupants noticing that the door had opened. 

Smirking and leaning against the doorframe Ratchet cleared his vocalizer startling the two from their peace. Red Alert cursed and fell out of his lover’s lap. Soundwave scrambled up to help him from where he crashed to the floor. 

“Well, I only came to make sure you hadn’t glitched yourself into stasis. I guess I don’t have to worry anymore.” He pushedhimself away from the door. 

“Ratchet-“

“I’ll just see myself out.” The older mech waved and turned his back to them. 

“Wait! You aren’t going to ask-“

“Red, if you were paying any actual attention you would have noticed Starscream doing the walk of shame out of Optimus’s room an hour ago. As long as fragging Megatron isn’t climbing out of the back entrance to the dinobot’s cave, I don’t care.”


	3. Chapter 3

There had been a ringing noise in Ratchet’s audial the whole morning long as he routinely when through that morning’s exams. He managed to tune it out finally around noon only to find Bluestreak of all mechs pacing outside the med bay doors muttering. 

“Is everything okay Bluestreak?” The medic asked after getting tire of watching the young mech pace. 

“Um... yes? Maybe? I don’t know... I mean I’m physically fine but at the same time I’m not sure...”

“Bluestreak.”

“Am I hot?” The question threw any idea as to where the conversation was going out the window and Ratchet could only stare as the Praxian rambled on. The ringing in Ratchet’s hearing had flat out turned into a buzzing at this point. 

“But you know what I mean.Well maybe you do... but is there something wrong with me that chases others away? Or am I-“

Ratchet pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought of how he was going to get out of explaining to Bluestreak just why no mech on the Arc would attempt to even remark on the young praxian’s looks. 

After all, no one wanted to have a private talk with Jazz about his sparkling. 

Ratchet could remember the day he found Sideswipe huddling under his desk, shaking hard enough to rattle the desk which was bolted to the floor. The mech had nightmares for weeks. 

Nobody was stupid enough to try and date Jazz and Prowl’s adoptive creation. Between the two of them your frame was most likely not to be found...

“-acks did say I was ugly-“

“Bluestreak, you are just fine. I think you should know by now not to listen to anything that comes out of Tracks mouth.”

The gunner looked pained. “Then why the frag can’t I get a date?!”

The buzzing sure did sound like diminutive cursing at this point. “Uh...”

Bluestreak frowned and gazed at something past Ratchet’s head. “Also why is my carrier trapped in that spiderweb in the corner?”

“What?” Ratchet spun around to follow Blue’s gaze to an angrily wriggling spiderweb.

.....

Ratchet was just finishing the last report of the day when a quiet knock drew his attention to the door. “Ah Prowl do come in. I was just about to come find you.”

“You did request to see me.”

“Yeah hours ago.” Ratchet crossed his arm and glared. 

“I apologize for the delay, I couldn’t detangle myself from the meeting I was in.” The Praxian flocked a dismissive doorwing. 

Ratchet gave him a scoff before uncrossing his arms and reaching down topull open his desk drawer. “You know, Bluestreak came to see me today. It seems to me that you and this idiot,” a jar was sit upon the desk. “Are sheltering him too much.”

Prowl frowned as he walked over and carefully picked up the jar to blink at his miniaturized mate. “I had wondered what happened to Jazz.”

“The science bots are trying to figure out how to reverse it. It might take them a couple of days. Especially since Wheeljack was affected by this snafu.”

“Resplendent.” Prowl pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Suggest you just be careful and take care of him for the next couple days. And try to keep him out of the ventilation system. If Blue hadn’t noticed him and Jackie in that spiderweb I don’t think it would have been pretty.” 

Prowl sighed. “As if I didn’t have enough to deal with the Wreckers’ arrival. Are you sure that i should take him with me?”

“I am not a babysitter.” Ratchet said flatly. “Now have a good night.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jic you didn’t notice I did add just a little more to chapter 3.

Ratchet took a deep vent as he tried to let go of the irritation that threatened to get the better of him. He glance over his shoulder to the twitching jet on the med berth. “Fireflight.”

“Yes sir.” The Aerialbot squeaked. 

“How many times must I tell you to just get a berth partner? These ‘accidents’ becoming annoying. If I have to surgically remove anything else from your frame that is not caused by battle damage or a legitimate accident I swear I’m going to place a chastity lock on you interface panels.”

Fireflight went pale. “But-“

“No buts! Stop improvising and get a mech to clang.” Ratchet growled before pointing to the door. “Now out!”

“Yes!”

Ratchet shook his head at the jets fleeing frame. “Darn kids. It’s not like there’s a shortage of mechs to chase around here.”

He sighed and went to cleaning. 

…..

“Um excuse me.” 

Ratchet found Skyfire poking his head in the door. “Hello Skyfire. How have you been doing?”

“Fairly well I’ve been slowly getting used to life around here. It’s good so long as I avoid the trouble makers. I’m just glad to be able have find a few friends. But um... I actually came to see for medical matter. I um... We uh..”

“We?”

A white helm peeled around the shuttle’s back waving meekly as he smiled. “Hi Ratchet.” 

“We huh? Come on in.” Skyfire blinked at the medic smirked and shook his head. “Should I ask what’s going on?” 

Silverbolt hopped up onto the edge of the medberth. Ratchet pulled out a scanner and started to get to work. 

“Well...uh..” Skyfire twiddled his thumbs as Silverbolt looked to the floor. 

“We’ve been getting quite serious in our relationship and...”

“You need to check his spark.” Skyfire cut Silverbolt off. “I’m not a medic so I’m not a hundred percent sure but I think he’s sparked.”

Ratchet paused briefly in his scanning to blink at the before returning to it. “You both have grounding wires to prevent you from getting sparked. I know installed them myself- oh.. oh slag.”


	5. Another long day for Ratchet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ratchet has a rotten day filled with news all around.

Several weeks later...

Ratchet took a long hard swig of his freshly poured high grade as he massaged his aching head. He was trying hard not to think about just how  bad his day had been. 

It hard started with an uncharacteristically distraught and weeping Slingshot curled up in a pathetic rattling ball under his desk. Apparently Cliffjumper had been up to his usual slag when he had somehow set off the usually crass aerialbot. The taunts causing Slingshot to burst into tears and bolt instead of confronting the smaller mech as he typically did. 

It was then that Ratchet had put all the pieces together and realized that Silverbolt’s carriage was having an effect on the rest of his brothers. It had not been fun having to tell Prowl of their very hormonally compromised combiner unit. Prowl had glitched. 

Then as if the humans proverbial Murphy himself had been lurking, there had been a colossal explosion in the labs strong enough to rock the entire mountain. 

It had taken a half hour to get in touch with Wheeljack only to discover that he wasn’t even on the Ark. he had taken the dinobots off for a day trip. 

The dire urgency to reach the lab tapered off slightly -they still needed to make sure nothing else was going to explode- They had finally reached and vented the lab only to discover five unconscious bots. Autobots supposedly if their badges were anything to go by. 

A small staff meeting was called the instant that he had gotten them set up and stabilized in the med bay, with Swoop & First Aid running tests and spark scans and sending them to him. 

—flashback—

“I don’t like it.” Prowl groused as he viewed the security feed from the lab. “How positive are you that they are Autobots?”

“Their id chips register as bots... though they are not in Teletaan’s database.”

“I think we need to have Jackie or Skyfire take a look at this.” Jazz motioned to the screen as a flash of light precedented the sudden explosion that wrecked the feed. 

“Maybe it was Skywarp?”

“With the magnitude of that explosion I highly doubt it.”

“Maybe the ol cyclops has some new tech?”

“Oh yes because he has the exact coordinates to the-“

Optimus was quiet as his lieutenants tried to theorize just how their current houseguests had come to be on the Ark. His gaze fell upon his oddly silent security director. “Red Alert you seem awfully quiet have you any input?”

Red Alert blinked. “Um... I... uh.. I don’t believe that they are decepticons.”

The room fell silent as all optics turned to Red Alert. 

Prowl stares blankly. 

Jazz gaped. 

Ratchet shrugged and went back to analyzing the incoming data. 

“Someone go outside and make sure that the sun hasn’t gone black.” Ironhide broke the silence. “I could have sworn ol Red just said someone  _wasn’t_ a con.”

“You aren’t mistaken.”

A puff of smoke was all the warning they had before Prowl keeled over.

Ratchet groaned. 

—end flashback—

Prowl had had a hard crash the second time around.And after dealing with him First Aid had kicked Ratchet out of the med bay for a few cycles leaving him here in his office glaring at the spark data from the newbies. 

Oh he was going to kill Wheeljack. 

A knock on the door brought Ratchet out of his thoughts as the bot in question stood there smiling. “ I heard you had a bad day.”

Ratchet waved him in. “You would think that I’d be used to the chaos in this place.” 

“I saw the new guys on my way in. Any idea who they are?”

Ratchet shrugged. “Won’t know their names till the come back online. Though I do have some ideas.”

“I think they might be another combiner unit.” Wheeljack took the chair opposite from the medic. “ I sure hope they are.”

“Wheeljack.”

The engineer tensed at that tone. That was Ratchet’s ‘You done fucked up’ tone. Just what had he done wrong now?

Ratchet outright glared at Wheeljack. “You are an idiot you know that.”

“What did I do?”

The data pad that Ratchet had been holding landed with a harsh clatter in front of him. Wheeljack gingerly picked up the pad and began to skim through the information. 

“You lied to me! You told me that you had pulled the dinobots sparks from cold storage. You lied to me. It’s no wonder you insist on helping with their physicals, you wanted to hide that you had budded them yourself!”

Wheeljack flinched under Ratchet’s wrath. “Ratchet.. the cold storage area of the lab was destroyed when we crashed here. I thought you knew that.”

“So you took it upon yourself to spark them from your own spark right in a single session?! You are not a host spark the stress alone could have killed you.” 

“Well it didn’t. And besides who’s scans are these? I don’t recognize them.” Wheeljack said turning the pad at an angle. 

Ratchet let out a huff before pointing at a line of CNA. “Your grandkid’s you twit.”


End file.
